Jack Frost's Worst Halloween Ever
by Monkey Ruler
Summary: Bobby has the most brilliant costume he's ever had in his life. Everybody else just doesn't realize it.


Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, Wizard of Oz, Little Red Riding Hood, Jack Frost, or anything else you might read about in this poorly written story.

"You have got to be joking." Ray bursts into uncontrollable laughter, collapsing onto the floor with his back hunching so much that he knows that he's going to be sore for Logan's danger room session tomorrow.

But he still can't stop laughing.

"What?" Bobby whines, crossing his arms and pouting a bit.

Ray laughs some more.

Bobby had decided to be Jack Frost. A highly original costume choice for a boy who could turn into ice.

But Bobby did not decide to be the killer Jack Frost from the low-budget horror film. Nor did he even try to be the Martin Short Jack Frost. Bobby had decided to be the outrageously flamboyant Jack Frost from the old claymation movies. Bobby, in short, decided to be a joke for Halloween.

"And what're you supposed to be?" Bobby huffs, crossing his icy blue sleeves.

"A dead musketeer." Ray shrugs, deciding to stay on the ground for a bit, "Sam and Roberto, too."

"What?" Bobby whines again, "Is that why you guys kept ditching me like I was Jamie or something?"

Ray gives Bobby a deadpan look.

"Maybe it was the fact that you put hair dye in all of our soap. Our _soap_! Not just shampoo or something so only Roberto'd get it. The _soap!_ I was green for _weeks_! And Roberto looked like some reverse dalmation thing!"

"Mr. McCoy gave you those watches like Kurt has." Bobby reasoned.

"Stupid," Ray snapped, "Just cause people can cover up all your shit doesn't give you free reign to do whatever you want."

"It doesn't?" Bobby asks in a joking manner.

Ray is not amused.

And the fresh scorch marks in their room prove it.

* * *

"What do you think, Rogue?"

"Jesus, Bobby, how cheesy can ya get?" Rogue gives a little chuckle not exactly like Ray's laughing fit, but with the same level of mocking. Rogue's is just so compacted into that one little chuckle that Bobby's proud grin falls all the quicker.

"I thought the costume was genius." He pouts.

"Jaimie's costume was bettah."

Jaimie dressed up as a ninja, and then made a few dozen clones of himself. Then he himself dressed up as an evil overlord, complete with goatee and maniacal laughter.

"No!!" Bobby yelled, heartbroken and being one upped by the runt of the mansion, collapsing onto the ground in despair.

He sobs for a few minutes before looking up at Rogue.

"What are _you_, then?" He frowns.

Rogue grins and shows off very long, menacing-looking fangs.

"Oh, I get it! Everybody calls you a vampire, so now you're an actual vampire!"

Rogue's grin drops.

"Yoah lucky that Ah have unbelievably high morals." She snarls before turning around and leaving Bobby with his misery.

That Bobby would get what's coming to him. Rogue believed in karma, and his loose tongue and many pranks built up so much bad karma that he was about to collapse under it.

* * *

"You're little Red Riding Hood?"

"And you're a snowflake." Rahne gives a cute little laugh that reminds Bobby of a puppy, if the puppy was human and could laugh instead of wheeze, "I think yers is worse than mine, to tell yeh the truth."

"I'm Jack Frost!" Bobby snaps, "It's smart!"

"Okay then."

Rahne put her hair in pigtails and then turned to face Bobby the Snowflake.

"Really! I am!"

"I believe yeh." She nodded and looked at him in a convincing fashion.

"Okay, then." Bobby returns to his usual happy and stupid self, "Riding Hood, though? I thought you'd be, I dunno, the wolf or something."

"Because I'm Wolfsbane?" She asks sweetly. Bobby has the vaguest idea that maybe he said something wrong, but doesn't pay his idea much mind.

"Of course!"

She shakes her head as if to say 'stupid, stupid Bobby'.

"Little Red Riding Hood was a werewolf, you know."

"What? No she wasn't."

"Yes she was. That was why the wolf was following her in the first place. He had asked her to dinner, but she said she had to bring food to her sick human grandmother. He went crazy with jealousy and ate the grandmother before she could get there so he could get her gifts instead. It was a very touching story."

Bobby looked at Rahne in a new light.

"Who the hell told you that version?"

Rahne gave a sniff eerily similar to Amara's princess sniff and stepped around Bobby and out of her room.

* * *

"So what are you for Halloween, Mr. Logan?" Bobby asks perkily, at least expecting the disdain from Mr. Logan. He hates on _everybody_, not just Bobby.

Mr. Logan gives Bobby a look and impales the bag Ray was trying to sneak out of the house, spilling cans of silly string and egg cartons all over the floor.

"Too damn old for this stuff." He growls in response. "Clean up that crap, Sparky. And make sure your other musketeers throw away their crap before their stuff makes a mess outta the floor, too."

Ray grumbles as Sam and Roberto scamper away like cowards, throwing their pillowcases into the nearest trashcan in Logan's eyesight.

Logan gives Bobby another look.

"What're you supposed to be, then?"

"Jack Frost!" Bobby says excitedly.

Logan gives Bobby yet another look, this time wide eyed and with a hint of wariness.

"Right. Just as long as we don't get any complaints about any houses freezing over."

* * *

"My feet are tired." Amara complains, glaring at the sidewalk for doing her heels such injustice.

"Who cares, look at all the candy we got!" Bobby says excitedly, looking into his bag, "I love rich people!"

And then Bobby is pulled rather roughly by the collar behind a minivan and is thoroughly shushed.

"Look! That's Rogue, isn't it!" Jubilee whispers, pointing across the street to a Rogue-looking girl and four other familiar looking teenagers. "And.. Kitty!? That's Kitty! They're supposed to be at that party Jean was talking about!"

"The one that we weren't invited to." Amara pouts.

"Those're the Alcolytes!" Jaimie whispers back, "We should go and help them!"

"But my costume!" Amara whines, gesturing at all of her priceless jewelry from her home country, Nova Roma. She was a princess for Halloween. Very original.

"Too late." Bobby grumbles.

Tabitha had sprinted across the street already and instead of throwing her endless amounts of cherry bombs at the enemy, she had tackled Piotr in a hug. John had then punched Tabitha in the arm and she hugged him, too.

And she didn't choke them in the process, unfortunately.

"Wait... Rogue was a vampire for Halloween!" Bobby shouts accusingly, and the group across the street turns to look at where the younger mutants are huddled rather pathetically behind a car. Wanda twitches her fingers and the car turns into a frog.

Rogue was now, instead of a vampire, a very convincing bride of Frankenstein. The white bangs in her hair helped a lot.

Rogue rolled her eyes and pushed off the trenchcoat clad boy that was hanging off of her to glare at Bobby, who was now running across the street towards them. She didn't shove off the trenchcoat clad boy just to glare at Bobby, though. Very few people managed to get their hands around Rogue's waist, much less keep it there for more than a few seconds.

The trenchcoat clad boy was very proud of himself for getting in almost thirty seconds.

Bobby marched right up to the trenchcoat clad boy and poked him hard in the chest, glaring a good foot up at him.Darn those tall Alcolytes.

"Who're _you _supposed to be, then?" He asked with a poor impression of a sneer.

"_M'seur _Van Helsing at y' service. De Frankenstein monster had a prior engagement, so Gabriel t'ought he'd take care of de wife for him." He turned to Rogue and pointed rudely at Bobby, "_Chere, _who dis _duper _be?"

Rogue chuckles and Bobby vows to drop Spanish, which he's failing anyway, and start taking French.

"This is Bobby. And hidin' behind the frog are Jubilee an' Amara. They're from the mansion."

"Ah, course."

Jaimie was not introduced, because Jaimie decided to tackle Rogue with a hug, instead.

"What're you doing with all these bad guys?" Jaimie demands, glaring up at Remy.

Rogue sighs and pats Jaimie on the head.

"Can we eat 'em?" John asks, before cackling evilly. He had colored his hair green and was decked out in a ridiculously unfashionable purple suit with a large and obnoxious flower that, whenever he clicked a button, would create a spark that he would use to create a very large and very dangerous fire. Sort of like a clown spraying water in your face whenever you went to sniff the large flower he had on his chest. Only he was much, much more dangerous.

"The Joker doesn't eat anybody." Wanda snaps.

"Course, sheila." John nods.

"Isn't Harley supposed to hang onto the Joker's every word?" Tabitha jokes, "I think there are a few issues with this costume choice."

Wanda glowers at Tabitha.

"Kitty!" Amara yells from across the street.

Bobby turns his head to see Kitty and the big Russian guy sneaking off. So _that _was why Kitty was Dorothy this year. The Russian _metal _guy was the tin man.

For shame, Kitty. For shame.

"Like, what!" Kitty yells back, and the two start fighting from opposite sides of the street.

"Are you two dating?" Bobby asks Rogue and Remy with narrowed eyes.

"Remy likes to t'ink dat we are." Remy shrugs, "But de _fille _like t' deny it."

"Cause the _fille _don't lahke the idea of datin' a womanizin' sexist _pig_ that's twice as bad as those football playin' meatheads when it comes tah women cause he's the same kind but just twice as smart."

"Ya t'ink Remy's smart? Dats 'bout de first compliment y' gave me, _hein_? Remy should make dis our anniversary."

"How about when you knocked her unconscious and dragged her to Louisiana?" Bobby suggested, "That's like your first date."

"It is, isn't it?" Remy sighs fondly. "Remy's torn. Oh, _duper, _yo' frilly little sleeve be on fire."

Bobby looked down, not realizing that he responded to whatever French insult Remy had called him, and realized his sleeve really _was _on fire, and that his arm was _melting._

He quickly snuffed the flame and then glared at the laughing Joker.

"Hahahh, the bloke didn't realize it 'till half his arm was a puddle on the ground!" He laughed wildly.

Bobby, now responding to Iceman only, sent a wave of ice at Pyro.

Pyro retaliated.

Rogue started arguing with Remy that they _weren't _dating, so they did _not _have any anniversaries to celebrate. Ever. Jamie hit Remy in the shin with his evil overlord staff.

Tabitha started arguing with Jubilee, because she felt left out. They were arguing about nailpolish colors and how unflattering they were on each other.

Everybody was fighting with somebody except for Wanda.

She was sitting on a chair she had made out of another car, and was eating Bobby's candy.

This was her first Halloween, after all, for some reason she didn't quite remember. And to her knowledge, she had a very high metabolism. And if she didn't, she could hex herself to speed up that metabolism.

* * *

Bobby, later that night, when limping home from the aches and pains he suffered from fighting a pyromaniac, cries when he realizes that his candy bag is filled with empty candy wrappers and rocks.

Rocks.

Someone will pay.

He curls into the fetal position and starts sobbing.

Ray, his unlucky roommate who had spent the night scrubbing the floor, thinks that anybody dressed up as the claymation _Jack Frost_ had whatever it was that reduced him to tears coming at him from a mile away.


End file.
